James K. Polk

Origins
James K. Polk was born in Pineville, a community that worshiped pine trees. He lived there most of his life, living quietly as a lumberjack, until 1844 when he heard that Mexico was a desert, and therefore did not have pine trees. He was enraged at this and walked all the way to Washington to run for president, and he was elected president on account of everybody hating John Tyler.

Presidency
As soon as he was declared president, James K. Polk declared war on Mexico and immediately started the war, leading the charge himself alongside a powerful musket sniper named Zachary Taylor. James K. Polk was an incredibly powerful warrior, easily killing Mexican horses with a single swipe of his hand, and due to his large stature he was able to carry 60 pistols at once and fire them off rapidly. He easily trampled over Mexico (Figuratively and Literally), adding all of Southwestern America to his country. After winning the war, he refused to run another term, wanting Zachary Taylor to take over instead. He died of gingivitis caused by a lack of toothbrush shipments during the war shortly after Taylor was elected.